Alright guys... as promised... here's the paper!! 
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How to do a Smoke ShowSqueeling, smoking tires... raw horsepower... ear deafening exhaust... ok, maybe not the last two but definitly the squeeling, smoking tires! Nothing beats a sunny Saturday afternoon more that seeing a big, thick, white cloud of smoke billowing from the tires of a muscle car. Ok, you’re asking yourself, what’s a burnout? Easy, a burnout is when the rear (or front) wheels of a car spin fast enough to loose any and all traction that they had, and then become hot enough from spinning that they start to smoke. Now, as with anything, there are dangers to doing a burnout, but the chances of anyone getting injured are slim if you follow these simple and fun steps.
Since we’re ready to begin, I must note two things. One, if the car that you are going to do the burnout in isn’t yours, ask the owner of the care if you can do it. Should something break in the process or as a result of the burnout, the owner is liable to have you pay to fix it. That can get pretty pricy depending on what breaks. Two, doing a burnout significantly reduces the life of tires. By doing a burnout, you can’t hold me accountable for your loss of tires because I did warn you! Ok, now that you’re scared to actually do the burnout, let’s just go step-by-step through it.
Alright, let’s get to a big empty parking lot for our first lesson! But, be sure you bring some water or bleach along as that is going to give you your huge billowing clouds of smoke... since we’re now in the parking lot, take which ever liquid you brought and pour two, two foot long by one foot rectangles behind the rear wheels (or in front of the front wheels for those of you with cars that are fairly new!). Now, back the tires into the middle of the rectangle (or pull forward for front wheel drive).
Here’s where the fun begins... first, I’m going to explain how to do the burnout for the rear-wheel drive guys, then I’ll get to you front wheel drive people. Ok, rear-wheel drive guys; hold the brake with your left foot while giving the car about ¾ throttle. If the tires don’t start spinning right away, release the brake just a little... no, no, no... not that much, just a touch! This should make the tires start to spin and the smoke should start to form. How long you sit there and waste your tires is completely up to you.
Now, as I promised, it’s time to do a front wheel drive burnout! As I mentioned earlier, you’ll need to pull forward into the liquid on the ground. Now, set your parking brake, take your foot off the brake and give it some gas... come on... give it some more! You need to make some smoke!
Alright, now you’re probably asking yourself, I’ve got this huge cloud of smoke going, how do I stop it? Well, you can do it the fun way or the boring way. First, the fun way... those in the rear-wheel drive cars, let your foot off the brake and give it full throttle at the same time... this will now keep your tires spinning but you’ll now be moving forward. Just be prepared when the tires get their traction back, as you’ll shoot forward at a fairly high speed. Front wheel drives guys, just release the parking brake and the same thing will happen! Well, the boring way, simply let off the gas, then when the tires are stopped, let off the brake or release the parking brake. Kinda boring isn’t it?!
All in all, it’s fairly easy to do a burnout. But... there is one thing you need to keep in mind... these are illegal on public roads. So go find some private property or an old back country road and start smokin’ those tires! Just please don’t come crying to me if something breaks or if you get caught by the Police... you can’t say I didn’t warn you... See, doing a burnout is just as easy as Martha Stuwart corrupting the Stock Martket!
