A fairly arrogant Texan dies, goes to Heaven and is greeted at the pearly gates by St. Peter. St. Peter escorts him inside and says "What do you think of this?" The Texan looks around for a moment and replies "This is nice, but it ain't Texas". St. Peter says to come this way and proceeds to show the Texan a beautiful stream and snow capped mountains in the background. "What about this" asks St. Peter. The Texan looks around and replies "This is nice too, but it ain't Upland Texas". St. Peter, somewhat disgruntled, tells the Texan to follow him and takes the Texan to another beautiful area where the beach is gorgeous, tropical breezes are blowing and palm trees sway in the wind. "How about this" asks St. Peter. The Texan, somewhat impressed, tells St. Peter that is sure is pretty, but it ain't Padre Island. St. Peter is really ticked now and tells the Texan to follow him. After a long walk they come to a rock at the base of a mountain. The rock has a door and they walk through the door. St. Peter closes the door behind them and reaches to push a button. It's an elevator and it begins to descend. Down, down, down it goes and the Texan begins to get warm. Further down and the Texan is starting to sweat and his clothes are getting uncomfortable. Further down and now his feet are beginning to get hot and he is sweating profusely. Finally the eleveator stops and the doors open. St. Peter escorts the Texan out of the elevator and the Texan beholds tremendous amounts of fire and brimstone. Up and to his left he sees Satan himself sitting on a rock outcropping gleefully directing all his Demons as they torment the poor souls who reside there. "How about this" exclaims St. Peter "got anything like this in Texas"? The Texan, somewhat taken aback, thinks for a moment and tells St. Peter "No I don't think we have anything like this in Texas but I know a couple of ole boys back home who can probably put this out for you"
