I'm back, got side-tracked and forgot ! Oooops.
So anyways, "Richy", gets his machined mill back from the shop one morning, probably convinced the shop owner to take a "post dated" cheque from the girlfriend, 'cause he'd already run out of weiners and beer by then, and a guys GOTTA EAT !
He calls and says "I'm starting", like I'm supposed to click the stopwatch or something ? He Was fast, I'll admit that again !
Phones back about 10 hrs later to proclaim "It's IN" ! Like I'm supposed to re-click the stopwatch again, and phone the GUINESS people ?
OK, OK, I'll be right over for the fireup, so you can "take a bow" or something !
20 minutes later I'm at his "garage" ??
He'd managed to squeegey the oil slick into the alley, darned if it wasn't like he said, Black NOVA with new RAT motor installed. Looked good too, it had a "Chevy Orange" pearl overspray all over the body ! A few more button ups and the key was turned !
The NOVA fired right away ! Never seen that from one of the "tards" vehicles, never even had to "drag it" around with the half ton to get it going, or anything !
Peculiar thing though, was that as fast as it fired, the dipstick and PCV Valve exited their respective homes ! Push 'em back in, POOOOOF !
As fast as you could stick them in, they'd re-exit !
GEEZ RICH, Seems to have some "BLOW BY" says me.
CHROME RINGS !, retorts Hero.
20 minutes, and a half roll of duct tape later, we've got the "stick" and "valve covers" sorta sealed up. We're off for the inaugural "test flight".
I can tell from the "poo-eat'in" grin on RICHY's face that he wants to "make me cry like a girl" with an awesome display of CHEB power !
After explaining to him "that only wimps wear Bowties", ( he didn't GET IT ), We're off !
'I's dotted, "T's' crossed, we make our way. As we're driving out to "garden road", Theres the unmistakeable smell of putrid "spent gases" inside the car.
Geez Rich, still seems to have some "Blow-by", I says.
CHROME RINGS !, take awhile to seat ! he says.
Upon arriving at "the road", HERO boy, rips into the CHEB for about 7,000 rpms !
With a resounding "thunk" the clutch hits, and the NOVA groans forward.
GASPING FOR AIR ! All I can do is reach for the "WINDOW CRANK" as "Meathead" continues his assault on the poor MUNCIE 4 spd ! Oblivious to the "PUTRID WIND ENGULFING THE CAB"
The Car FILLED with smoke THAT FAST !
By 3 rd gear, Retards loosing consciousness, and he can't SEE or BREATHE either, so he relents, the car slows, and the cab clears.
"Cough,.. HACK,... GAGG",... Man, this things making "WIND", or some "BLOW-BY", I says again.
Mr BOWTIE, not one to even admit the "remote" possibility of an error in "CHEVYLAND", and still musing if I'd phoned the GUINESS people yet for the "record"
"GAGG,...HACK,... Cough", "CHROME RINGS !", He sputters, then, using his other good brain cell, he decides to "pull over" so we could "Take a Boo".
As we exit the "ve-hick-el", theres the unmistakeable stench of oil burning on headers, and telltale smoke with it, emanating from the NOVA's hood.
"Mr Bignuts", pops the hood, and we're witness to more "OIL on the outside of the motor than inside". It was EVERYWHERE ! Dripping off the hood, inner fenders, you name it ! Also, 2 lbs of oily duct tape that had lost it's sticky and was hanging all over !
Dipstick and anything else was "Pooofed out" too !
Not one to "HAVE SOME FUN" with Lardasses "NOVA-OIL", and trying my best to be "sympathetic" to his newfound requirement for an OIL company stock, I humbly asked, "JUST HOW LONG DO THOSE CHROME RINGS TAKE TO SEAT". Upon checking the "puked" dipstick, 2 quarts were "gone", which we luckily had in the trunk for replenishing the CHEB.
Remember, I didn't wanna walk home, and "RETARD" was a bit "TESTY" at that point. Besides, he had beer back at the garage.
"CHROME RINGS !" was all he could manage.
20 odd minutes later, and a few more "speed cranks for the windows" as we drove home, it was fairly obvious that either something was drastically wrong internal of the motor, or, I was "gonna get my lights punched out" for laughing at the wonder "NOVA-OIL" ! I was "peeing my pants" and hadn't even had beer yet !
By the time we got home, the NOVA-OIL was happily "clacking" away as it was low on Oil again ! TEHEHE ! This was too much !
Many beers ensued over the course of the next coupla hours. I was extremely sympathetic to RETARDS problems, ...
UNTIL.....
While depositing another "empty beer can" on the bench in the garage, I happened to notice,
WHATS THIS....
A fresh pack of "Piston Rings" amongst the rest of the clutter on the bench !
"HEY RICHY ! What kind of Rings are those in your MOTOR ?" As I held up the paper pack of 2 compression and 1- 3 pc oil Ringset, for one PISTON.
"CHROME RINGS !" he spoke as he turned around and saw what I was holding !
This is a TRUE STORY. The names were NOT changed to protect anybody. Yes, I in fact lost control of my bladder at that point. BEER ! END of story !
FC out.
