Let the fun begin. OSU vs. UM jokes

[Pistol Gripper]

After Michigan coach Bo Schembechler passes away and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bo a little two bedroom house with a faded UM banner hanging from the front porch. This is your home now coach. Most people don't get their own house up here God exclaims.

Bo looked at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.

Ohio state flags line both sides of the sidewalk with a huge scarlet and grey OSU banner hanging between the marble columns.

Thanks for the home God, but let me ask you a question.

I get this little two bedroom house with a faded UM Michigan banner, and Woody Hayes gets a mansion with new OSU banners and flags flying all over the place.

Why is that God?

God looks at him seriously for a moment then replies

"That's not Woody's house, That's mine"!!!!!!!

P.G.

[Street_Challenged73]

Nice!!!   I'm hoping for an OSU win myself.  (Still bitter we lost to UM for our only lost.)

[Pistol Gripper]

Just switch Buckeye with Michigan if you're from "That school up north".

One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends.  In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's.  He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship."  The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

P.G.

[Wang]

A guy in a Ohio bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna
hear a Michigan joke?" The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that
joke, you should know something.   I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a
Michigan Graduate. The guy sitting  next  to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he
is a Michigan Graduate. The guy right  next  to him is 6'5", 250 lbs.
and he is also a Michigan Graduate.  Now, you  still  wanna tell me that
joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it
three times"
 

It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be
dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game ...the rest of  the players
will have to dress themselves!


Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the
ground?   All five books in the library were completely destroyed... the
football  team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two
of the books yet!


What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor ? Columbus : 187
Miles


What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
Drool


How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch? Pay him for the
pizza


Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: An OSU grad, a
Michigan   grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each
proclaimed to be  the  most loyal fan of their alma mater.  As they
climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of
all. They continued to argue  all  the  way to the top when the Notre
Dame grad hurled himself off the  mountainside  shouting, "This is for
the fighting Irish!"  Not wanting to be out  done,  the  Penn State grad
threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is  for  the Nittany
Lions!"  Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for
the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.


What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad? "Welcome to McDonalds.
May I take your order please?"


A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of
work.The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a
broom  and  said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store." "But, I'm
a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played
football there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom, I better show you how."


Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying
on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating.  The
smart one said proudly that they had just  finished a jigsaw puzzle and
it only took them two months. "Two  months?!" exclaimed the bartender.
The Wolverine  proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"


A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic
horseback riding accident.  He fell from the horse and was nearly
trampled to death.Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an
unplugged the horse just in  time.


A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan   cemetery,
when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan
graduate and a good man." The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why
did they bury two people in there?"


Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach  talking
about the  rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan . As  they are
walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection
it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie.
Jim and Lloyd both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the
genie. Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built
around the  entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid
Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is
high,and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally
have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly
whisked away to  his new paradise.The genie now tells Jim he'll grant
him one wish. Jim says, "Fill it up  with water."


Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games? Because the
senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.


What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life?
His freshman year.

 

[4Cruizn]

GO BLUE!!    

[whitesatinmopar]

I just knew Dave would be popping in on this  Actually the joke above about the wall around Mi. would be self-defeating to their team, throughout the years their star players were from the state of Ohio.

[Wang]

We Ohio State fans amuse ourselves by scaring every Michigan fan we see strutting down the street with that obnoxious maze & blue "M" on his shirt.  We would swerve our vans as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them.

One day, while driving along, I saw a priest.  I thought I would do a good deed so I pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?"

"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"

The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Michigan fan walking down the road, with that "M"shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD."

Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Michigan fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

[Street_Challenged73]

    Great jokes Wang!

[Pistol Gripper]

For me, the best one:

42 - 39

P.G.

[Rev-It-Up]

For me, the best one:

42 - 39

P.G.

 

[whitesatinmopar]

For me, the best one:

42 - 39

P.G.

The mystery of numbers: 42-39 score, AND  ................................Saturdays Ohio lottery pick four numbers were:

4-2-3-9,..............anyone pick the right numbers? That ticket is worth more than just the value of the lottery $$$

Strange................................. 

[4Cruizn]

For me, the best one:
42 - 39
P.G.

 

[MEK-Dangerfield]

I have to say, it was a great game that exceeded my expectations. 

  Mike

[Moparmatt]

And they're still 1-2 in the BCS standings... go figure.

[Street_Challenged73]

Just what I wanted to see; OSU taking the win....Now we just need Wisconsin's number to rise.  It sucks they got stuck with lousy teams in the Big Ten, so our 11-1 record is only holding #9...We deserve better than that.