A broken heart

[Topcat]

I know that many of you must know someone in your family that is an alcoholic. Thats a word that so many people want to keep in the closet when it comes to their family.

I was an alcoholic just over a year ago and I admitted myself to a rehabilation center for 3 months. my life has turned around so much better now I can't tell you how much happier I am.

But heres where I am just destroyed right now.

My girlfriend, I have been with for 3+ years has been sober with me for over 2 years. We went to Hawaii and the energy level with each other is fanstatic since we've been sober.

Today, I came home and found 3 bottles in the closet. She's drunk on the couch. Tell me what should I do. Should I leave her?

I'll be back.
I'm going to talk to some of my sober friends that know what I'm going through.

[Moparal]

leaving her isnt going to solve or help anything. When you say girlfriend, I dont know how you mean it. I wouldnt leave my wife if we had problems, there are many choices and avenues to consider. You must not love her I guess. But she still is needing guidance. Your friends are just bias opinions. This should be between you, her, and counseling of some sort. I fail to understand your logic, but I see there has been waves in your past by the remarks you made. Nothing in this world is perfect. Are you? People also have different levels at which they can deal with issues, she may be deeper into it then you. For advice, I can always say, you need to communicate and get things in the open and go from there.  Sorry about your story especially at the holiday season. Maybe a special Santa gift will come your way. Hang in there....

[Topcat]

Either I leave her and pray she will stop or I stay and I wait it out. I do love her very much but how can I be part of something that i don't consider a part of my life anymore? It will only get worse if she doesn't change. I was just thinking that leaving to see if that might snap her out of it. Send her to a rehab? She has to want to be back to her ways she had.

She fell off the wagon while we were in Vegas I think. I left her alone there in Vegas while working thinking shes in good control of herself.

The definition of an alcoholic is someone who isn't true to themself or others in their family or friends. They are in total denial. I'm not a Bible thumping recoveryist. I just have changed my life around and have gotten focus again that I will not sacrifice that whatsoever. Most regular drinkers think they're not alcoholics.

[Moparal]

Well good for you and 2 atta boys, But like I said, some change quicker then others. Some think its harder on them then others. Who said you'd jump off the band wagon trying to help someone whos worse off then you? Give up and go. Seems the world is full of quitters now adays anyways. Sounds like self pity to me. I dont think you'd be able to help her with you being unstable as it seems. We got charity centers and clinics for all types. Even the ones that have been trhown back to the wolves.

I should of just past on this post so please excuse the remarks. I never quit helping anyone myself, and dont like the direction this is going. So no hard feelings and good luck....ALAN

[Rev-It-Up]

That's definately a tough situation to deal with.  But, to be able to help someone, they have to want the help and also, you have to have the capacity to be able to offer that help.  TC, if you don't feel you have the wherewithall to help and feel your own health could be in jeopardy with a relapse, I'd say distance yourself and find others in her family or someone else to try to help.  Certainly don't leave without offering somekind of assistance.  If you feel you are strong enough to offer assistance and withstand the temptations and mental and emotional strain, then by all means, help.  None of us are going to know the "right" answer.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. 

[Moparal]

Well you said it in less words and better phrases then I was trying to do. And it's still in the same direction. Don't just leave here to the wolves, and don't falter your path.

Rev it up--- yer the mamma man      Definately in need of prayers. Just 1 step at a time

[Topcat]

Alan, I think I see that you really have taken this the other way. When it comes to drinkers you have to be understanding yet decisive in handling their problem. I do need to stand by her yet is it right or fair to me subject myself from something that I have made a decision to abstain from? Alan if your son was a cocaine addict thief, would you feel sorry for him? 90 percent of these cases the parents kick them out and then the kid straightens out. Or goes to jail.

Jump off the bandwagon? self pity to me? Your sarcasism is pathetic to listen to.

[Carlwalski]

Sorry to hear that TC. Unfortunately my help in this topic (booze) would not help. 

I do know that I wouldn't leave her, maybe stress was involved? To most people it's not the booze but how they're drinking. Many people can have 2 or 3 glasses of wine with dinner and be done for the night. I'm close to an alcoholic but I enjoy every minute of it, but that's just me. Talk it over with her & let her know how you feel mate.


I applaud you for your efforts in seeking help and recovery to which I knew of a while back.


All the best,
Carl

[Moparal]

I just dont know how to speak what I think. I can say that I dont drink. I was beat all my life by my drunk mother tho. I still love her and now that she's close to 80, I still help her. I have had friends on drugs and helped them quit. I have seen what all that stuff does to a person and have always helped out. And no I wouldn't give up on my kids either. I know what alcohol is and what it does. I'm just saying bailing out is no sign of love. You can read it anyway you want to. Your post just sounds like a woe is me. But to me, you made it and she's still falling. I feel it's woe is her and hurray for you. I'm glad for you. Hope she gets help is all. To many fall through the cracks. A half dozen of my close realatives are dead due to alcohol, so that might be why I am this way. I was there for them with love and strenght. And there isn't any alcohol in my fridge. I also live in a dry county.  I was an entertainer for 20 years, playing in night clubs and stuff, the temptation was there, but wisdom said no way. If we were friends, I would be all around you trying to help you deal with it just by being myself and keeping the temptation levels to as low a level as I could. I am no better then anyone else you'll ever meet, but I also have a value on life and friendship that is never ending. A broken heart can be fixed. A bad memory and anger will ruin your life.  I'm glad you were able to quit alcohol, but the urge will always be in your mind. Some are stronger then others.

[Oldschool]

TC,

This is a very personal subject for you and her.  I hope you guys can get it under control.  I applaud your openess by asking for our opinions here, but I am afraid there won't be much substance here for you to hang your hat on.  Not that we won't try and give solid advice, but every situation has it's own set of circumstances.  Unless you are trained in the specialization of helping in these delicate/complicated situations, you can really only give partial advice, and even that might be the wrong thing.  Talk to her and seek the help of a trained professional that understands the nuances of these deals.  I sincerely hope you both can put this behind you and move forward.  Maybe soon it will only be a memory of a little "speed-bump" in the lifelong recovery process.  You both are in my prayers.  Don't let this get you down---you are a good person............          

[Topcat]

Thanks gang for your support in this situation. I really don't have anyone right now to talk about this to. I just need to find out what I should do. I just don't know. I'm confused right now is what I'm feeling, not self pity.

[Alaskan_TA]

TC,
I have not been in your exact situation, but if you need someone to talk to give me a ring. 907-225-2709

Barry

[Topcat]

I'll  be calling you Barry Thanks.

[Moparal]

I would also like to say I am sorry if I offended you. My wife just reminded me that I have been awake since 2 am monday night on an emergency job at a conoco plant. I just flew back tonight. She did point out that I seemed to be a little edgy.  But it doesn't mean I wouldn't help you if I could. My actions have always outshined my words.  Sorry ....ALAN

[Topcat]

No problem, I'm going to a meeting to talk with my friends about it. I do understand that this subject is way off key and that many may feel its not apprapro to discuss. But I just want to do the right thing right now. Thats all.