Author Topic: i found my child after 15 years (Read 4624 times)

MEK-Dangerfield · « **Reply #15 on:** February 11, 2011 - 04:21:08 PM »

What about your daughter. Is she living believing another man is her father?

Challenger6pak · « **Reply #16 on:** February 11, 2011 - 06:00:05 PM »

I know of a guy in my area who was sued by the child for child support. The child sued once she reached 18. The mother had a written agreement for no child support. She wanted a child and the guy was basically a donor. The child who sued, won. I believe the tab came to $108,000.

I am a single parent of a 13 yr. old daughter. I don't believe in not being responsible for your child. In your case is your child happy? If so, I would recommend waiting until she is 18 or older. She will need to know you are her Dad for medical history, etc. At that time it may not matter who is on the birth certificate. Look at it from your daughters point of view. You, a stranger, are coming into her life accusing her mother of lying, her father of lying that he is her father and claiming that you are her father. Then you are going to drag everyone into court. Do you think she will run into your arms? More than likely, she will hate you.

dodj · « **Reply #17 on:** February 11, 2011 - 06:25:45 PM »

Very tough decision alright. Lots of things could go the way you don't want/intend. The only thing I will add to the above comments is, the birth certificate is only paper, don't let it influence your decision.

hpe600rt · « **Reply #18 on:** February 11, 2011 - 06:47:26 PM »

well the kid is not in a good way as my buddys kid is in her class at school she is dateing a gay guy,living in the getto,and being lied to buy her mother.what kind of man would i be to not help her and try to better her life

Challenger6pak · « **Reply #19 on:** February 11, 2011 - 11:22:22 PM »

Have you spoke with a guidance counselor or someone who is experienced with this type of situation? In their opinion, how will it affect your daughter? I would go there before I would go to the lawyer. You may be able to find a help group through a church or community center. Knowledge is power. All I can say for sure, is that this will go bad, if you are not 100% selfless. EVERYTHING you do must be for the good of your daughter, from her perspective; not yours, even if it means walking away.

whitesatinmopar · « **Reply #20 on:** February 12, 2011 - 07:11:07 AM »

As far as the birth certifciate goes, if your name never appeared on the original than the child had her mother's maiden name on that certificate. If now (not sure how you know) the mother's husband is shown as the father than he has legally adopted her. Once a birth certificate is filed through the courts it can not be altered except through a court ordered decision such as adption.

hpe600rt · « **Reply #21 on:** February 12, 2011 - 07:54:31 AM »

wrong on the birth recard the child had my last name and was born with it.the mother left my spot blank probley because she new she was going to cheat me out of our child.she then went about 6 years later and filed an admendment to it and put his name in the blank spot.to be able to change the kids last name as i would not let the child get adopted and she knew this.i got this info from the cleark at the birth recards.knowing all the time he was not the father that is a crime on bolth their parts i think i will go all in and do whats best for my child as i wount let it stand.what would i say to that child when she is older and she asked why dint i help her,should i say i could of helped you but the mony was moure imporntant or what about when i have to tell my outher kids about her and they say why dint you help her would you do that to me.im not that kind of guy the facks are the mother lied the mother fled with her to anther state the mother broke the law in many ways and is still lying to the child.how am i the bad guy for makeing it right.she needs to know whether its now or in 2 moure years from now i rather it be done in court so the mouther cant lie to her any moure.

72cudamaan · « **Reply #22 on:** February 12, 2011 - 09:52:31 AM »

So, are you saying that your name never even appeared on the birth certificate? I think you should take a little time to reflect on the past and make sure that what you are doing is the best thing for your child. It's natural to want to help, but you also want to make sure that what you're doing won't hurt the girl emotionally. Why is the mother trying so hard to keep you out of the girl's life? ( No public answer is expected). Just another self reflection point.

Street_Challenged73 · « **Reply #23 on:** February 12, 2011 - 10:28:20 AM »

Best of luck with the whole situation. It's great to see you're willing to meet/help your estranged daughter as I've heard first-hand experiences about biological parents who didn't want anything to do with their children when the child initiated the contact...It's an extreme emotional strain for them. So I just want to say it's great that you're willing to put in the effort to help your estranged daughter.

Hopefully this ends the way you'd like to see it & if not, at least nobody can say that you didn't try.

hpe600rt · « **Reply #24 on:** February 12, 2011 - 11:28:43 AM »

i think the reason for it was so she could have the child all to herself as she ran to florda when she was 6 weeks old as i did date her for 3 years.the same with the faulse charges was to get me out of the way so she could take the child.you have to rember i was only 19 at the time and had no one to help me so i was on my own.i think this may mess her up but it will mess her up if she is 15 or 30 so why wast any moure time and let years go buy that she can be in my life

challengermaniac · « **Reply #25 on:** February 12, 2011 - 12:16:46 PM »

I hear what you are saying and you have responded to our thoughts well. The one thing that really resonates is the recommendation that you need to step back and take some time to talk & think this through and especially try to step outside of your thoughts and desires and try to understand the needs of a 15 year old girl that you don't know. She is at a very critical development time in her life which begs the question; is your fight to get into her life going to be beneficial or harmful to her? We all come from different walks and all of us have regrets on some of the things we have done and some that we didn't do. I might recommend that you first talk with a good counselor to explore this fully because once you head down a path of uncertainty, there may be no return.

You may have mentioned it, but have you tried writing an appreciative/non threatening letter to the mom to inquire as to how they are doing and to express your desire to meet your daughter?

ps: it would be helpful to hear from some of the c-c.com gals to get their imput as well.

AARCUDADEN · « **Reply #26 on:** February 12, 2011 - 03:22:18 PM »

I don't have any advice for you as i've never had children or been in a situation dealing with ex's and children being involved but i just wanted to wish you the best of luck possible for trying to do the right thing

I have known a few people in the past who have been in simular situations as yours and its never pretty and alot of cc members hit the nail on the head with alot of the outcomes. However i can tell you NEVER always trust what lawyers tell ya even if its your very own cause when you start persueing this it also gets the courts, welfare service and goverment involved and and could bite you on the backside. I understand you want the best for your daughter but this all can cost you alot of grief, motional and alot of debt. Good luck my friend

thedodgeboys · « **Reply #27 on:** February 12, 2011 - 03:44:29 PM »

with everyone on this one they are spot on. However do think of the child before you rush in and upset her world.
(this reads don't do it just to get back at the mouther)

It will be crazy for 1 or 2 years (or longer) this stuff drags on and on in the courts, do you think that will be good for her? (ask yourself)

Also what are your plans after you introduce yourself into her life?
What are your motives?
Don't expect any judge award you custody of her.
Expect supervised visitation for the first 6 months.
Expect many court dates, and large lawyer bills.

One last thing don't take advice from car guys on a forum

GOOD LUCK

AARCUDADEN · « **Reply #28 on:** February 12, 2011 - 04:22:51 PM »

Quote

One last thing don't take advice from car guys on a forum GOOD LUCK

True story

67vertman · « **Reply #29 on:** February 12, 2011 - 06:46:11 PM »

As someone who has been on your daughter�s side of this situation, I will give you my thoughts.
First a little back ground about my situation.
The first time I met my biological father I was 15 years old and it was at my brother�s high school graduation. Yes I knew he existed, but he never made the effort to visits us, pay child support, send birthday or Christmas cards, and no contact what so ever. We were raised by our mom and stepfather, whose last name I use to this day. So to me, my stepdad will always be my �father� as he shaped the person I am now. My biological father, even after meeting me, never really tried to connect with me on any level. He stayed distant, never asked us to stop by, and never took us out somewhere to get to know us. Even though I wanted to be part of his life in some way, he just never seemed interested in a relationship on any level.
Ok, now on to my thoughts and advise on your situation. If you plan to pursue a relationship with your daughter, do so with her best intention in mind. Do not start this relationship unless you plan on carrying it through to its conclusion regardless of the outcome. Talk to her and truly listen to what she is saying. Be patient and move at apace she fills comfortable with. Do not talk bad about her mother to her. Stay in touch with her regularly, unless she tells you to stop. Ask her if it okay for you to attend school functions, sporting events, or whatever else she is in to, don�t show up unannounced. Do not pressure her to make decision, choices, or sides. And most importantly, love her unconditionally.
She is a young adult going through enough struggles right now just to become an adult. Even if she does not want a relationship now, 5, 10 15, years from now she may change her mind and if you do something to damage your relationship with her today, it may continue to cause problem in the future.
I wish you the best of luck, as you pursue this.

Author Topic: i found my child after 15 years (Read 4624 times)

MEK-Dangerfield

Re: i found my child after 15 years

Challenger6pak

Re: i found my child after 15 years

dodj

Re: i found my child after 15 years

hpe600rt

Re: i found my child after 15 years

Challenger6pak

Re: i found my child after 15 years

whitesatinmopar

Re: i found my child after 15 years

hpe600rt

Re: i found my child after 15 years

72cudamaan

Re: i found my child after 15 years

Street_Challenged73

Re: i found my child after 15 years

hpe600rt

Re: i found my child after 15 years

challengermaniac

Re: i found my child after 15 years

AARCUDADEN

Re: i found my child after 15 years

thedodgeboys

Re: i found my child after 15 years

AARCUDADEN

Re: i found my child after 15 years

67vertman

Re: i found my child after 15 years